More morning pages

So I write my new online morning pages, and see what on earth I can come up with the will unblock the blocks and get the flow going.

And getting the flow going really is what it's all about.

So what I'm going to do is get my timer and write now for 25 minutes, non stop, just for the hell of writing. I might write garbage, and I might write in a way that actually doesn't mean anything, but write I will as It's such a good way of getting the creative juices flow.

I'll just carry on writing until the timer goes, and then that will be it. Instead of writing three pages in a diary I'm writing for twenty five muinutes.

But it's all about keeping the flow going, isn't it? just keeping the flow going...

So what I'll do now is I'll write without checking mistakes. I won't be toobothered aboyt punctuation or spelling or anythinh either, just so that I get the words Out. I think that there's something uiportant aboyt using bother sides of the brain, and that's what happesn when you tupe. Type.

So this is it. I know that when I get some kind of momentunm going I just might come up with something special. Like doing the Guardian, or something, topo. I like to join the chats in The Guardian as it adds to my special thing. To my ...whatever is the word I'm looking for?

So this is it. This is doing the thing the way I do it. Looking for somethning , ro hooing that something will come from doing this thing.

I know that tyyhere;s reason for doing this. It's in part that I'll be speeding up my typimns skills, also that I';; be leanring pu8ncatation, also that I'll be doing thinsg that will make me get more spanatansous with the words and thinking and all of that.

But this is twenty five minutes, and it may turn out to be longer than I think it really is.

but the truth is nobodu will botehr to read this shit so it's hardly that it's going to matter, right? I mean, there might be a few strange goings on in it, but what the hell?

I had a thought about stars just now: that stars are just people, yes, but theyr;e people who have delibveratly manipulated their own images to be seen as something in particualr. I want to bve a star. And I am a star, dammit. I know that I can do some exciting shit, and I thionk I'll do that at some point.

I really enjoty the challenge of life. I mean, imagine if I dioatual;lyu make it mow?

AH I rememebver that thiouygt I had now, and it was important. I was thinking about getting to some gereat Elysium where I wouyldn't have to do the wrok aby more. Where non e of it would matter, becauyse I'd already meade it and I was a srtar. Loke, I didn't have to do anything any more? TYhat's likely, yes? No way! tHere are plenety of desoperately miserable famous actirs out there, and tyheire fame jhjasn'ty mean t a thing to them. And what makes me thionk I'd be any differenty? I can't trate fame as if it's goijg to be any different to the way thinghs are now. And what' odd is that I vet there aee and awful lot of dfamous people who see like very differentl for m actually bcemomgh gemous./

This is interesting, becuase I can see the worlds that come out worion on the screenm buyt the importyamjt thaing is that IO'm, thiknmkiing the thoughst and formulatying the ideas and haveing the realizationms as I'm going aliong, without habveing to be cortr3echted by some nasty little intesrtal; rcritci!!!

And that's rvvertuy haelthy, isn't it?

Don't know how much lionger I have before the clock buzzes and the timer does its thing, but this is poritiave stuff, for suyre.

Sooooo.....

I've thought about Elyseimuym and what thetat means, and I;'ve thoughrt a bit aboyrt teh crteative process. I think what I'll do here as well is add the daily pghoptos and the daily drawing,e xcagh lf whcuih wil be addin t oi mey getting msylef out reather than fdining muyself "in". There's moiter d to my nmadebness I know@!
Mand itthis certainly isd a really posutibe tyhing to do@


BORED NOW! Cos I want doms iknd of fgferat ebnlightenment, and I jyst want it to gome come to my mind iof s9me great and fganbkouus wya that will bearn me grtea miney and all of that.

Dammit, I hsouykd jhust do the thing for theh hatyddycall it too. jYs get that ciode out and let it bve. I mena, what the hell, egh? Does it realkty metter what people think?" Agrte all, this is what I;'m doing this thing with the "letting it alll out "malarleuy.

So the timer still hasbn;t done its/' thing,.

Thiknking abouyt JHJu8li8as, and Hwo hdifferent her attuitudfe to all this jibnd lf thikng is. her being a oergectionist and al that! I mean, she just couldbe;'t be free abouyt whuth athis, could hhe" She coulkdn't bear to not even have some kind of shit going ion, let akling having speklking mesuatkes like thsui?

But Julia isn't a p;rhojest of mine to make wll. II am the oprejhects! na that's the way things are nowe!

Buit I do jst a snse of ungerbncy as I do thinfg. It's as thougnh I hjust gotta so womsthing wuityhoyt my bgrain inecgaghes at all, as it thats's hling toe mena tnhat ghI c';'kk aghabve spometyhjingh happens thag tha t will be ocnm xzuwsreradinirhy luty bnoro;;linat that I'l, be see ns as aoms kuind of ghrerojnd bronmaking indichoiual;s.

But ah. Now,. I dond/'t thinkt that's alikely. ir aot leabrt, I think that what ai wa was domi thing was encounmtering tyhe frysttrauion of neion a person wh[s in touyc with some of huis real hurty and damgae abnd pain. Could that be iot? Grtahklly, I don;t knwo for foure.

WJHat I want from myself is ti make sometnkbng so iouytstandinglu brilluiabt athat It wll neopt just be of immense bvalies to the word, but that it will bneake me jhjuige am8pimtys of muknue, 6oop..

Oh fuck it. That;'desn;t make anty snesn iof atlla ud duit? My fi nders arn;t ghaitting abnything ,like the right heyts. I ned to hyave a ket borafd rthat I can jet thi kets wuith without anty owrry. And I do find, too,. tja IO hit some kets too qulick;y. Expecyssluay I seem to uinvertys kets on the let side, wjhich is neternerstyingh. I'll press some kstyy - there, I just did it p[ - with the left and puirt fthe letter sin the rwrong order, like I was sydtliecizxic.

TYhis is nriong boiw. So nioring, I can't be biothered with it.

DMAMMIT@Q I,a,k just ferystrated, can't uhou se that!

How I'm I gojing to contact something of real wbweopiev when I ;'m not even hiting the right kets? And how is this expressing msyefl? NMyt I syoppiose it is in some kind of way. Some party for me wants to so it, doesn't it? DO I sjould lety ist be.

I mean, that's my pghlitspptyy wt tregrad to a lot of things. I sdo reailly beluive that some latr of oneselesbv whatts to dio the things it does when it does tham. And Denyting tnhat is what cauyses people to become sop frystrtared by stuff. It;'s terribly imprtant, I believe , to just do things and let that be the wya it is. Instead of getting too hssuyssy bout making thisnbfg "dead righT" or somethinmg like that.

Now them./ What '

25 minutes are up!