The Inner critic

OK, so let's take a look at some of the previous posts, and critique them the way I would normally...

"Piano doodles", for example. Well, plainly the person playing the piano - me - can't play the piano! It's crap! Tinky tonky nonsense, and embarrassing. How can I have the gall to put that on the internet? What if someone sees it? Aren't I ashamed of someone seeing it? What about if someone sees it that I want to impress?

The above is typical of my critical thinker - the person who has been determined to not let me progress beyond where I am now, artistically. I know that as an artist I need to simply be prolific in what I do, and just keep doing stuff regardless. The purpose being that my creative blocks are broken by simply letting self consciousness pass through me and beyond me. I realise, though, that as I say such things on some level I'm trying to defend some crappy work. But that's only secondary to the main objective - to reach a place of unfettered creativity.

I need to be able to be free in what I create in order to create. If my creativity is stifled though shame and criticism - or listening to criticism - then I fall at the first fence.

One of the things I decided to do some time ago was create art from an inner child. In effect, the idea was that I'd accept anything that came out of me, with the understanding that it was a child that was creating it. And, just as I'd be proud and accepting of a "real" child's art (or piano playing) I'd put their art on my fridge, or go along to concerts and listen to my child's music, no matter how good or "bad" it was.

Because a child's art is a precious and beautiful thing.

My art was ridiculed and neglected when I was young. I learned, directly and indirectly, that my art wasn't very good. What I had to say wasn't interesting. My voice was taken away, or stifled. And what I do now - what my healing is - is to rediscover that voice, that self expression, that was crushed when I was so young.

I know perfectly well that my spirit was crushed when I was a child. It was crushed by my parents' rage and frustration and own childish needs. Their own inner children were stifled and frustrated, so on some level they were, no doubt, feeling resentful of me. I know this. I felt it, and it was real. Parents won't admit it, but on some level many of them resent their children, and the spirit they see in their children.

And external critics, as well as internal critics, feel the same. A critic wants to destroy, whereas as creative person only wants to create.

Coming back to this blog

The Artist's Way group dissolved.

So I thought I'd resurrect this blog for my own purposes.

What I think I can do now is just use it as a document of my own artistic endeavours. I can put down stuff that relates to The Artist's Way, and any other thoughts I have about it. I can certainly add things like videos and so on, and explore the whole business of creativity - even if it's just for creativity's sake.